I left my toddler crying on the stairs today. And my heart is heavy.
I wanted him to take a nap so he’d have the energy to play outside later when the sun went down. But he wasn’t sleepy yet. I reminded myself not to force it—something I had learned the hard way. So I let him play while I took a nap, exhausted from yesterday’s two-hour biking practice with him.
Then my husband woke me up before leaving for a meeting. Our toddler wanted to go with him. My husband explained, but our little boy didn’t understand. He ran to the stairs, looking out the window, crying—not just an ordinary cry, but one filled with longing.
I knew that cry. I felt it deep in my chest. But I was also exhausted.
Then my husband came back, frustrated, saying, “Check on him—he might fall.” That moment tipped me over the edge. I knew my son was safe where he was. I just needed time to soothe him. But now, his cries had escalated. The moment was slipping away.
I went to him, but he kept shouting. My patience wore thin. I was still tired, my body ached, and I just wanted to sleep. So instead of sitting beside him and holding space for his big emotions, I stayed where I was.
He called out, “Come here!” but I told him to come to me instead.
And then I made a mistake.
“Come here, or I’ll walk away.”
The fear in his eyes shattered me. He chased after me, afraid I would leave him behind.
I failed him in that moment. Instead of being his safe place, I made him fear losing me.
I held him close and apologized. I validated his feelings, telling him I understood how much he wanted to go with Daddy. I explained that Daddy had a meeting and would be back soon. He clung to me, exhausted, and fell asleep in my arms.
The Hard Truth About Motherhood
Motherhood is messy. It’s filled with moments of deep love and deep regret. It’s balancing between giving our best and forgiving ourselves when we fall short.
And here’s what I realized today:
- Sometimes, They Just Need Us to Come to Them. Instead of expecting our child to bridge the gap, we can take the first step. To them, we are their whole world—meeting them where they are matters.
- Our Reactions Shape Their Sense of Security. When we are mindful of our tone and words, we teach them how to handle emotions with love instead of fear.
- Our Own Needs Matter, Too. My exhaustion played a big role in how I handled the situation. When we take care of ourselves, we have more patience and emotional capacity for our children.
- Mistakes Are Part of Motherhood. We won’t always get it right, but what matters is how we show up after. Saying sorry, holding them close, and doing better next time—this is what they will remember.
If You’ve Been Here, You’re Not Alone
To the mom who has ever lost her patience, said something she regrets, or walked away when she should have stayed—please know you are not a bad mother. You are learning. You are growing.
This space—Mom’s Memoirs—is built on kindness, understanding, and empathy. Not just for our children, but for ourselves.
We are mothers, but we are also human. And every day, we get another chance to love them better.
